Being a Dad.

As fathers day has come and gone I have been thinking about being a dad, being a husband and being a son. These are all important roles as a dad, you don't have to be good at every role to be a good dad but I think it helps when you have the option.

For all the dads out there the first step is holding that child, it doesn't become real until that little one is in your arms and there is nothing like it. You think you know love before this, but when that child hits yours arms and you accept them as yours there is an instant unbreakable love. I now have three little ones and the feeling hasn't changed, once that little one is in my hands I am overwhelmed with a feeling of responsibility, a feeling of caring and a sense of pride.

As the child grows so does your love, really I don't see it as something we can control, if you spend time with your child your sense of responsibility will continue to grow. You know that you are that child's guardian, the lessons you teach the time you spend will shape that child.

As a husband the birth of a child is also when things begin to change. That person you have spent all your time with now has a full time commitment. You feel helpless at times, you try to help but seem to get in the way half the time. But as time goes you learn, you learn to help, to just be there to talk, to try and pick up a few extra chores. But the important job of a husband in being a dad is truly loving your partner. How you treat your loved one sets a precedent for how that child will treat people in the future. Kids are sponges, they pick up if you are aggressive, if you are passive, if you are angry and if you love. Their future relationships will be based primarily on how you love your partner.

Finally being a dad is based on being a son. For those of us fortunate to have our father in the picture when we become a dad there is very few greater moments of pride. No matter our relationship with our father they are always a huge part of our lives. For most son's the moment they become a man is the moment they learn to love and respect their father. The moment that they understand that person did their best, tried every day to make the best life and set the best values they could. Once we learn that is all we can do, that we became the person we are because our parent tried their best we can then move forward and put our best foot forward. If we continue to struggle with our parents and their decisions we will always struggle to accept ourselves and thus our children.

I am fortunate as a dad as I have support from all sides. I have an amazing wife, amazing mother and father and am most importantly friends with all of them. Every day is a new challenge but I know I will try my best and look forward to see the children I raise and the path they will take.

Coffee

As the evening sets in, dinner is done and things are settling down... Well things are suppose to be settling down. "Bee" is at full go, its as though we have the flash living with us, or maybe by the path of destruction a small tornado. It has been a long week and all I want is calm, "Duck" is ready to settle down, and if it wasn't for the buzzing "Bee" I think she would. Before supper "Duck" was slinking around the house walking like a rusty robot telling me how tired she was, she insisted she needed to be packed around the house... didn't happen, but she kept insisting. Now she is still tired but with the activity of her sister she is getting louder and more expressive (whiny). Everything is starting to swirl, "Duck" is losing what little calm she had and "Bee" seems to be getting more energy. The phone rings... wonderful, I have one child whining at full speed and all logic slipping from her actions and another taring the place up and I get to try and hold a conversation. Some how I muddle through it... and the odd part is the person on the other end barely even reacted to me hushing kids and asking them to repeat themselves every third word... yes there may have been a better time to talk, but apparently the person on the other other end of the line was not too concerned, regardless we made it through the conversation. I set the phone down, I look over at the coffee maker... I started making a coffee when I got home 2 hours ago... Its getting late I really shouldn't... A shrill cry comes from the other room, my hand wraps around the cup... I have no option, to survive the love that is my kids I need the sweet elixir to get me through. I finish making the drink, take two seconds to let the sweet smell, and flavour take me away... 2 seconds is all I get. Finally I get the kids settled out, it took most of what I had left, I may not have made it without that black fuel we call coffee. Once I get them to their bed, lay them down, read a story and as I sing their lullaby's a calm comes over me and I am reminded how worth it, it all is. If I give the last of myself everyday to make sure their life is amazing, that they feel loved and learn the ways of our world then it is a day well worth it.

Listen to my own words.

So the other day "Duck" responded to everything I said with But! Finally it was enough, I don't want a child who has an excuse for everything, I struggled with this myself for while, instead of finding an answer I found an excuse. I made a big deal about the word 'but'. Every time she said it for the next half hour I turned around wiggled my butt and said, this is a butt, no more 'buts'. Well my unorthodox and maybe mildly insane method worked. No more 'buts', she was answering questions and taking more ownership. I felt rather proud of myself. Within a weak though I was hearing my own words, I was trying to explain something and out came the word 'but', the word was barely out of my mouth and "Duck" looked at me very sternly and said "Daddy no Buts!" Wow, time for a wake up call. Within another week I am hearing it a few times a day. I made a big deal about it and now I am learning. I had a valid point, and now that I am hearing my own words back to me I have a challenge. Can I live my life with no 'buts'. Can I avoid having to explain myself by having the right words to begin with, can I avoid questioning my actions and be positive. So now I try to live without 'buts' I guess in some ways its living without regrets!

To Compete

I wake up, early, my alarm this morning is once again my child yelling for me, needing me. It may be Duck has wet her bed, it may be Bee with a full diaper, or another of various nighttime needs. I drag myself from bed, handle the situation, take a moment to cuddle whoever has called me and slip back to bed if there is time for another hour of sleep. Most times it is only once or twice a week but it seems we are on another run of every night or two for the last two weeks or three weeks. Energy levels are low and it is tough to find desire to keep a smile during the day. Within it all I wouldn't give up a moment, just when you are ready to collapse, the small voice that called me in says, "Daddy I love you..." I reply in a soft voice "I love you too..." she says "Daddy I just... just need a cuddle". My heart melts I turn and walk back into the room, the fact that it is 2:00am and I will be up in 4 hours to get ready for work, drifts away. Where it wares one down is walking into work. Parents are working two full time jobs, and no matter how much you love your day job, your family will always be your passion. I talk to coworkers who try to sympathies, and I want to laugh when they try to compare, when they relate with how last month they work up to let their dog out. I was probably doing the same thing 5 years ago so I try to smile and nod. But by noon my energy level is low, I am still thinking about why Duck woke up last night, what Bee will get into when I get home, and how I can make sure my wife is comfortable as she is carrying our third child. So part of me starts to think that I should struggle to compete with my coworkers that do not have kids at home... then I remember I have more to work for, I have a family that counts on me. A smile overcomes the exhaustion, a little energy starts to bubble up within me and I drive forward. I know tonight when I hear that little voice call me part of me will be smiling with pride. Every day is a challenge, but it is a challenge I love and I live for. Being a dad, nothing beats it.

If you love someone set them free!

No lock them up in there room until they are 18. Some days those we love will challenge us so much that we feel like we are out of options. "Duck" is going through another independence kick, she knows what she wants and anything less would be in civilized. We are raising her to be independent ,  to learn how to be strong willed and stand up for herself. The challenge comes in balancing respect, safety and the needs of others within that. I don't think there is a smooth way to introduce any of these life lessons, it seems odd just to throw them all on at once but what other option is there? These lessons go hand in hand, it may be easier to just lock them in their room and throw then a sandwich a couple times a day but then you are not raising a good person you are not parenting and you are missing out on so much. We get frustrated as parents but that is because we care! We don't want them to make our mistakes but deep down we know they will. So we struggle through the lessons we listen carefully and we try to make sure everyday is better then the last. One day we will set them free and that day we will wonder did we give them the tools they need, did we forget anything. But we will smile through the tears knowing that women in front of us is our little girl who fought with us over weather baby got to take her entire wardrobe to daycare or just two outfits!

Blanket Monster

The kids are crazy tonight! Both yelling, screaming at times. Running from one end of the house the the other and leaving a wake of destruction behind them. Truly they are not doing anything wrong, they are playing together and just being kids! But I am tired and it is wearing on me. I sit down on the couch, I ponder for a second, my wife and I exchange an exhausted glance and that's it! I stand up, turn to the girls, they stop and look up at me! I reach down, grab the blanket from the couch and throw it over my head. "Roar" I let out a monster roar and start lurching around the house, both girls breaking out screaming and laughing! I can hear them scatter! Suddenly I am tackled, mommy has me pinned, I hear the rally call " I have him girls the monster is down get him quick" two little monster attack, I roll around as if fighting for freedom, but mostly just dodging tickles and trying to tickle them back. This is family, the laundry is piled up, dishes aren't done and I am sure there are a few dozen other things I could do. But this is family this is where I am needed. Though tired we are all now relaxed and happy as can be. We will settle out for some couch cuddles and soon the girls will call it a night. Everything will wait. Once they are in bed I am sure some more time will be spent with my pregnant wife, and then eventually I will hit the dishes and try to tidy and finally call it a night. I don't care if I am tired, if I am up early to catch up, I know that family is first, laughing is needed and hugs will always prevail!

Raise them the same.

Impossible!
As our little girls start to grow we try to raise them the same. Try to ensure we are consistent from one child to the next. But I have come to realize that this is impossible! When we "Duck" she was it, there was two of us and one of her. We had more time and more energy to devote to her. We made sure she was independent we taught her how to do things on her own. And well let me tell you she is independent. From when she was a baby we actually had to teach her how to cuddle. She never liked to be swaddled, she wanted as much space as possible. My wife would sneak into her room in the middle of the night, pick her up and rock her. Over time she started to cuddle, and well now can be a bit of a cuddle bug. Then came "Bee", and from the moment she came out she wanted to be held close wanted to know we were there. She is affectionate and very conscious of those around her. She isn't quite as brave but will try anything her sister does. "Bee" has us and "Duck", we have learned from our first and now balance two kids.  So I know there is no way to raise one exactly the same as the other but still looking at the little difference I ponder. I go over everything that happened in the operating room when we had the C-section, were the little differences the start of the girls unique qualities?  I think about the differences in day care, about bed time routines, so many variables. Is it all our actions that guides them or were they just naturally different? I really think its a balance of both. I look at these girls running around and know there will always be differences, we will always try to be fair but there will always be differences. Would we really want two children exactly the same, no.. never, the little differences are what makes them unique. The end goal is to raise strong, confident individuals who are respectful, hard working and loving! Girl or boy these are qualities I think we should all strive for. I guess I may over think things but these girls are my world, and I want to know I have done everything I can to give them opportunity to succeed.